Friendship, Loyalty, and the Moral Crossroads: What Type of Friend Are You?

Friendship is a fundamental aspect of human existence, connecting individuals in various ways that contribute to our personal growth and happiness. Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, recognized the importance of friendships and classified them into three distinct types: friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure, and friendships of virtue.

Friendships of Utility (Philia Utilitatis): These friendships are rooted in mutual benefit or not. People in such relationships come together because they find value in each other’s resources, skills, or services. These friendships often revolve around practicality, where individuals are connected as long as the utility continues. A classic example might be a business partnership, where both parties benefit from their combined skills, but the relationship might wane if one partner can no longer contribute to the enterprise. Be careful for friends looking to get a personal gain from this. Friends will try to use you and bleed you dry for social gain, career influence, etc.

Friendships of Pleasure (Philia Hedone): Pleasure-based friendships are founded on shared enjoyment of some activity or experience. These can include hobbies, entertainment, or even partying together. While these friendships can be enjoyable and add fun to our lives, they tend to be more fleeting, as they may dissipate when the source of pleasure changes or disappears.

Friendships of the Virtue (Philia Agathos): Aristotle considered this the highest form of friendship. In these relationships, individuals are bound together by a mutual appreciation of each other’s character and virtue. They genuinely care for one another’s well-being and seek the best for the other person. These friendships are based on a deep sense of trust, loyalty, and love. They are enduring and often last a lifetime.

Friendship is a powerful bond that often carries a sense of loyalty and mutual support. But what happens when that loyalty is tested in a way that raises complex moral questions, such as whether to invite a BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, (and) People of Color) friend who went to jail and experienced police brutality with you, a non-BIPOC male, to your wedding? In the current sociopolitical climate, the issue becomes even more significant, as going to jail can have severe implications, particularly for BIPOC individuals.

Ultimately, the choice to invite a friend to your wedding is deeply personal, reflecting your values, principles, and the depth of your friendship. It is obviously made with careful consideration and we’re not here to point any fingers. However, we do want readers to think about what type of friend they present themselves to be and what type of friends they surround themselves with.

Bell Hooks, a scholar and social activist, introduced the concept of intersectionality in the context of friendships. She recognized that friendships are influenced by complex and interconnected factors, including race, gender, class, and more. In her work, Hooks emphasized the importance of acknowledging and addressing these intersections to foster authentic and meaningful friendships. She pointed out that acknowledging differences, particularly those related to systemic inequalities, is essential for building genuine connections. Hooks’ ideas align with Aristotle’s “friendships of virtue” in emphasizing the significance of empathy, care, and mutual growth in friendships while acknowledging the sociopolitical contexts that shape these relationships.

Frantz Fanon, a psychiatrist, and philosopher who explored the psychological impact of colonialism, emphasized the concept of solidarity in friendships. He argued that in a context where individuals are oppressed or marginalized, friendships can become powerful tools for resistance and empowerment. For Fanon, friendships are not just about mutual recognition, but also about actively supporting one another in the fight for justice and equality. He saw the potential for transformative friendships that serve as a collective force for social change. In this light, Aristotle’s concept of “friendships of virtue” aligns with Fanon’s ideas, as both stress the importance of mutual support and the pursuit of common moral and ethical values in enduring friendships.

In the intricate web of human relationships, friendship stands as one of the most profound connections we can experience. It’s a bond characterized by trust, shared experiences, and often, a deep sense of loyalty. But what kind of friend are you when faced with a moral dilemma that tests the boundaries of your loyalty and your ethical principles?

The scenario we’ve discussed, where a BIPOC friend went to jail with a NON-BIPOC male friend, serves as a poignant example. In a time marked by heightened awareness of racial disparities in the criminal justice system and a growing commitment to rectify these injustices, the question of whether to extend a wedding invitation to this loyal friend carries significant weight. Loyalty and gratitude tug at one’s conscience, yet one must contend with an acknowledgment of the profound sacrifices, potential consequences, and social complexities involved.

This situation demands introspection, moral reflection, and a careful consideration of the broader sociopolitical context. It requires open and empathetic dialogue with the friend who took such a grave risk. It necessitates preparation for potential conflicts and understanding from supportive communities. It’s about being sensitive to the injustice inherent in the system and cognizant of the real-world implications of your decisions.

In facing this moral dilemma, you are asked to define the kind of friend you are. Are you the friend who prioritizes loyalty above all else? Or are you the friend who recognizes the complexities of your friend’s sacrifice and acts with a deep sense of moral responsibility? The answer, of course, will depend on your individual values and principles. Yet, it is in wrestling with these questions and the thoughtful navigation of such complex scenarios that the true depth and character of a friendship are revealed.

Ultimately, the answer to the question of what type of friend you are is found in the sincerity, empathy, and compassion with which you approach these challenging situations. Your actions and decisions reflect the core of your friendship and define the legacy you leave in the lives of those who share this profound connection with you. In the end, it’s not just about what kind of friend you are, but about who you strive to be as a person of integrity and empathy in a complex, interconnected world.

You start dying when you stop dreaming.